| Yes, I have heard of Don Imus before the whole media frenzy about his "nappy headed hoes" comment last week on the air. Since the color of one's skin seems to qualify a person's opinion these days, I'll make a comment on it, since I am neither white or black.
I do believe that Imus got what he deserved. But, I believe that many colored people of high profile don't get the punishment that they deserve for similar comments.
I quote CBS President Leslie Moonves comment on Imus' firing from his radio show, "There has been much discussion of the effect language like this has on our young people, particularly young women of color trying to make their way in this society."
Imus has little to no influence on black women. Black women are not his target audience. But, if this is the new direction that media is moving, I sincerely hope that CBS radio and MSNBC and other media outlets apply the same standard too all of their editorialists, tv hosts, and radio jocks.
Here are some lyrics off from a simple google search (not censored):
Google it: "lyrics bitches", "lyrics hoes", "lyrics pimpin", "lyrics nappy"
"Full out my bitches with your fucked up attitude
Nappy-head hoes, worse than bitch niggaz
I treat 'em all the same, bitch check yo' game!"
-Xzibit featuring Snoop Dogg, DNA
"When y'all niggaz stop actin like bitches
bitches stop actin like niggaz we can all clock figures
Hoes on my dick, niggaz on my dick
They all on my dick, FUCK THAT SHIT!
When y'all bitches stop actin like niggaz
niggaz stop actin like bitches we can all get riches
Hoes on my dick, niggaz on my dick"
-Xzibit featuring Snoop Dogg, DNA
"Then she startin' barkin', said "first we gotta get married"
I hate this bitch, all I wanna do is hit the nappy"
-Ol' Dirty Bastard featuring Royal Flush, I Wanna Fuck
"Pimpin hustlin playin hoes is all I know
With my homeys on the mash and a pocket full of cash"
-Nate Dogg, Dirty Hoe's Draws
"She wanna ride me, she wanna tie me
Around her tiny little finger and ride me blindly
I don't think so, you stink, hoe
The chain in yo brain is missin a link, hoe
Please back up, I know you look good
But that ain't enough to get half of my stuff, bitch"
-Cypress Hill, Stank Ass Hoe
"Can you control your hoe? (You got a bitch that wont do what you say)
You can’t control your hoe? (She hardheaded, she just won’t obey)
Can you control your hoe? (You’ve got to know what to do, and what to say)
You’ve got to put that bitch in her place, even if it’s slapping her in her face.
Ya got to control your hoe. Can you control your hoe? "
-Snoop Dogg featuring Supafly, Can U Control Yo Hoe
"In the ghetto we turnin' fine hoes into petals
hands on our metals never have to fetch hoes
they come runnin' with they fans & they best clothes
to get stuck by the nigga with the million bucks"
-Master P featuring Ice Cube, You Know I'm a Hoe
"if the bitch think I love her the bitch don't know me"
-Obie Trice featuring 50 Cent, Lloyd Banks (G-unit), Eminem
"So fuck your bitch nigga, what I wanna take?
Plus she been on my nuts since thumps and pencil breaks
'Cause I'm a nigga with the hoe, a nigga with the flow"
-Brian McKnight, Groovin' Tonite
"I'm fuckin the sluts and hoes
The bigger the butts the tighter the clothes
The gimminy jimminy grows"
-2pac Shakur, Young Black Male
Personally, I wouldn't even dream of making any kind of reference to women in that way. I'd be curious to find out if any of those university players have any of the above artists in their music library.
Self-proclaimed civil rights activists are starting to turn out to be racism activists. Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Louis Farrakhan do more to corrupt the public's view of equality than promote it.
Here are a few quotes, perfectly in context from these leaders:
"White folks was in caves while we was building empires... We taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it."
-Al Sharpton at Kean College, 1994
"White people are potential humans — they haven't evolved yet"
-Louis Farrakhan
"Murder and lying comes easy for white people"
-Louis Farrakhan
"They [the Jews] are the greatest controllers of black minds, black intelligence. They write the scripts - the foolish scripts on television that our people portray. They are the movie moguls that feature us in these silly, degrading, degenerate roles."
-Louis Farrakhan
"I am going to be like a pit bull. That is the way I'm going to be against the Jews. I am going to bite the tail of the honkies."
-Khalid Abdul Muhammad, Nation Of Islam
"Hymietown."
-Jesse Jackson's slur of New York Jews during his 1984 presidential campaign.
The real deal is this: Black youth do not want a relationship with the Jewish community or the mainstream white community or the foot shuffling, head-bowing, knee bobbing black community... All you Jews can go straight to hell.
-Quannell X, National Youth minister for the Nation Of Islam
When white folks can't defeat you, they'll always find some Negro, some boot-licking, butt-licking, bamboozled, half-baked, half-fried, sissified, punkified, pasteurized, homogenized N*gger that they can trot out in front of you
-Khalid Abdul Muhammad of the Nation Of Islam
"I want to go up to the closest white person and say: 'You can't understand this, it's a black thing' and then slap him, just for my mental health."
-Charles Barron, a New York city councilman
"Civil rights laws were not passed to protect the rights of white men and do not apply to them."
-Mary Berry, Chairman of the US Commission on Civil Rights
"The white man is our mortal enemy, and we cannot accept him. I will fight to see that vicious beast go down into the late of fire prepared for him from the beginning, that he never rise again to give any innocent black man, woman or child the hell that he has delighted in pouring on us for 400 years."
-Louis Farrakhan
"When you look at the lack of diversity from the editors and those in power, then you see them as automatically dismissive of anything that is not like them, which is white males ... I think we've seen some very blatant racial insensitivity in the coverage of this race so far."
-Al Sharpton
"He's married a white woman. He wants to be white. He wants a colorless society. He has no ethnic pride. He doesn't want to be black."
-California Senator Diane Watson on opponent Ward Connerly
The list can go on and on...
These leaders are not free from racist guilt, so I believe they of all people should not be the first to cast their stones. Why are people like Jackson, Sharpton, and Farrakhan allowed to continue? Don Imus got what he deserved. Maybe it is time that they got what they deserved too.
I believe that a society that doesn't judge on color is the true arrival point of civil-rights. Today's self proclaimed civil-rights leaders today couldn't be further from this agenda. People are people. Children are children. Stop identifying what kind of American you are and just be American. Better yet, we should identify ourselves with all of humanity. | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment   |
| I think I know Monsters Inc and Lilo & Stitch by heart now. :)
My Neon, after years of faithful service, is ready to give up the ghost. I've spent the last few days looking around and having to stomach some slimy used car dealers. Yesterday, I picked up a newer type Neon from a small used car dealer with no pressure. It runs great. The best feature: Manual transmission! | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| This is the first time I have been able to get online in over a month.
As of mid october, I am no longer homeless anymore.
Well, no time to say much more right now.
-Mark | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| Those who are "religious" or not, I want some real answers.
Before you read on, please forgive my cynicism. I have had everything from the pitied "I'll pray for you." to having people lay their hands on me and try to pray away the sickness. While well intentioned, and I have wanted to believe what they were doing was real, it has all turned out to be phony.
Without further words, here are my questions along with my commentary:
Yesterday at service, a lady pastor was the guest speaker. She got pretty pissed off at all of us. She was calling out Hymn names, and expected everyone to know the words and sing. I, for one, barely know any more than the first verse of "Amazing Grace". This is not the first time I have seen such expectation.
So, this leads to a few questions: Do "saved" people just magically know all of the words to every hymn as soon as they: #1 Fall on their knees #2 Acknowlege that they are a sinner #3 Ask Jesus to come into your heart #4 Ask for forgiveness #5 Accept Jesus as your personal saviour #6 Fill out a little card putting a check-mark next to 'Saved!' or 'Recommiting my life to Jesus' along with your full name and address? Personally, I have not done step #6, and I really wonder if I did steps #1 though #5 in the wrong order. I have seen the salvation formula time and time again. I have seen time and time again that people act pious while they talk about Jesus or quote scripture, yet they are far from being as much as a good person outside of that. With my own guild included, almost everything is covered in hipocrisy.
More on the salvation thing, since it is crammed down my throat daily... I hear daily tesimonies of people giving their life to Jesus, how they felt a sudden peace come over them or how that sore knee that they haven't seen the doctor about suddenly feels a little better. Is a person supposed to get some sort of big ZAP from heaven? Is life suddenly all rosey and serene? I am under the impression that is exactly what is supposed to happen--A big ZAP that makes everything all good?
I hear alot of "I had a dream" or "God told me to do this or that". After you get zapped, become rosey and serene, do you start having visions and hear voices in your head?
What is with the "Ala ba ba goodoo ba ba ba" stuff? I've seen it plenty of times on TV and have anonymously dropped in on some sunday services in the past. Is this the penecostal speaking in tongues? Is this the language of the angels? Is this the "spirit"? Are these the exact words that the spirit commands a person to say? I see no pattern nor syntax in this language. I see simple syllables that are commonly used by children between the ages of 7 months to 2 years old. Therefore I have to conclude that it is no language at all. My memory may be rusty here, but from my understanding of the first day of Pentecost, the disciples spoke in foreign tongues, yet everyone could still understand them. If they didn't need a "spiritual translator" back then, why do they need a "spiritual translator" now? I believe that in a large group with a speaker who has charisma, people can be worked up into a frenzy. People become subject to the power of suggestion. People adopt a herd mentality as they are conditioned into accepting the words from the speaker's mouth as same authority as the word of God.
Is it normal for a Christian to be cold and condescending to those who have "dead souls" but warm and friendly to those who are "born again"? It actually hurts inside to get a cold stare while somebody else is called "brother". I use this terminology, because this terminology that has been used recently in my situation. The next time I get asked why I'm standing in the wrong line (they have a way of separating the the residents from the bums that is a little complicated to write right now), I think I just might say back to them "Why are you separating the sheep from the goats? Isn't that God's job on the last day?"
Why do I see more truly good people who aren't so visibly or obnoxiously Christian? Are these people the real thing while the preachers and those who give "testimony" are the phonies? If this is true, then Christianity as a whole is in a very, very sad state. Those who claim to know exactly where they are going when they die have turned out to be liars. I am well aware of the "not through works alone" spiel, and it is still on convincing.
Since I need these questions answered, I want to present to you my incomplete conclusion and solution:
Stick to small and informal bible studies. This fulfills the requirement that He is present when 2 or more gather in his name. Anything that is interpreted and elaborated on as God's word and other supporting references should be looked up to verify the context along points/counterpoints before anything is accepted as "true". Fast paced, emotional sermons should be avoided. Being overly emotional causes a person to become vulnerable to another person's agenda. Attend services that are measured, not overly emotional if you feel that you need to be part of a community. Last, make some kind of attempt to 'walk the walk' and 'talk the talk'. The rest of the world judges your religion or belief when the gums start flapping. | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| Last week, I nearly ended my life. I have spent the last week in the hospital. It does turn out that meds were a major contributor to the problem. What I was taking was keeping me awake, but not actually treating the mental symptoms of depression. The result-- every waking moment was torment.
What I'm on now actually doesn't leave me high or dopey. The only side effect-- a slight headache all of the time, which is definitely more preferable to depression. The past 2-3 days are the most 'normal' I've felt in years.
I will likely be spending time in mission shelters going through their rehab type programs. So far, I've spent 1 night in one of the shelters. A lot of the men there are just out of jail or prison, but are for the most part pretty nice. My actual complaint is the fact that they require you to spend approx. 2-ish hours in "chapel", which is a charismatic orgy of cramming salvation down people's throat. Well intentioned, but very bad approach.
My strange experience at a bus station by the mission yesterday (friday): I had been talking to a guy who had left the mission to live on the streets because he wasn't keeping a clean lifestyle. Another guy from the mission was also loitering around the bus station. Then, some lady walks in while I'm talking and seems pretty obvious that she was listening in. At that time, I was actually talking about depression and how things are much different in the past few days. The lady walked over to me and asked me if she could pray with me. I said yes. Both of the other guys came over and we all held hands.
WARNING-- don't start getting warm squishy feelings quite yet.
The lady started doing some..uhh... charismatic praying. She tried the 'laying on hands' thing to cast out the sickness. This went on for at least 20 minutes. It was just like what you'd see on TV. Trust me, it doesn't work. After it was done, she was absolutely sure that my life was changed. I had to break it to her-- I have alot of healing to do, and it's not going to be instantly fixed because she did the TV evangalist thing on me. It was really hard to break it to her because I knew her intentions were good.
I got to spend some quality time with Danielle and Tobias. Today has really felt like I've had a second chance at being a good daddy and husband. I don't know how much I'll get to see them in the near future, but it has been great to spend time with them.
Anyway, I don't know how often I'll be able to get to a computer for a while. I'll try to find a public library whenever I can. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow or the next week, but things are definitely better. Now I have a chance to rebuild a life again. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| A night of crying, falling asleep, waking up crying again. Still no feeling of resolution out of this process.
I'm sorry | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Being left to my own thoughts for the past few days has not been good.
There are a lot of really hurtful things that I would like to say to feel like I can "get even" with the rest of the world. But, that will just add to my regret. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I just found out tonite that I won't be seeing my son for yet another week at least. This makes 3 weeks so far. By next weekend it will be a month.
Words cannot even begin to describe how devastating this is. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| Not alot to update here at this point.
I'm on medication. This time, they are able to make sure I have a supply of it instead of having the rug pulled from under me like last time. I have noticed a difference. The darkness has started lifting, though I still have some really bad days. I know that medication isn't exactly the magic pill that makes things all better. I may have to deal with depression for the rest of my life, but as long as I can manage myself on those bad days, I think I'll be fine.
I am really missing my son. This Friday, I think it will have been close to 3 weeks since I've been able to see him. About a week and a half since I've seen Danielle. About a week since I've had any face to face human contact. Seeing Danielle and Tobias are kind of out of my hands for the time being.
I sleep a bit less, but still more than normal. I have been doing a few new things to keep my mind occupied. I have started listening to music again. Have started to learn the Python programming language. Not much different from BASIC. After that, I'll get back into C/C++/Java again since I'm rusty. Not sure if tech is my future, though.
When I do get bored with the programming thing, I play some World of Warcraft. 60 orc shaman and 60 undead priest for anyone who knows what I'm talking about. The shaman was pretty easy to level, since I knew most of the quests for the horde. The undead priest hasn't done much "end-game", but the shaman is part of a raiding guild, so I have a couple times a week that I have something to do--Molten Core currently, Onyxia in another week or two. I may work on a Warlock next, since that seems to be the class I have had a very hard time coming up against.
Anyways, enough of the game weenie talk.
I'm making some effort to read some of my email now and catch up on what is going on with all of you guys. If you have sent any email, it's probably going to take a while to get to it. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Not much going on here.
Still going through depression.
To any of my friends out there who still read this:
I am not ignoring you. I know that I have been a real downer lately.
When, or if, I can get through this, I would like very much if my friendships, new and old, can pick up where they left off. I am still living life on pause for the time being.
I realize that most of you have gone on with life as normal. If I am no longer part of anyone's circle of friends, I understand. In this war that I have been going through, there have already been many casualties. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| There are a few things that I do understand about my state of mind, but I do know that there is much more I don't understand. There is my philosophical Socratic ignorance for the day. So, here it goes in no particular order.
Ever wake up and not know what day it is? How about every day? Delirium has been my existence for quite a while. The delirium isn't from drugs, but from depression. It's not the "I'm so sad and I'm gonna cry" kind of depression. To me, crying can be a normal, natural sign of a coping process and isn't really depression. I rarely ever cry. I did a little when my son was born, and I did a little a month ago after not being able to see my son for a couple of weeks.
To a healthy person, the idea of depression is rediculous. It used to be rediculous to me. 5-8 hours of sleep a day were more than enough to get me charged for the day. Depressed people were just lazy and unmotivated in my eyes-- All they had to do is pick themselves up, be brave, and do what they have to do in order to be successful. I always wondered why I couldn't reason with depressed people. I wondered why they couldn't just take some good advice and move on. Failure is a learning experience, and is only a minor setback.
Yeah, right... In my current view, minor setbacks have been completely devastating.
Words of warning for the religious types: Never, ever, ever use the "I'll pray for you." phrase. Don't use it. Just don't. You're more likely to get that person frustrated that you don't understand what they're going through and embarassed that you pity them. You may get nice warm squishy feelings by saying it, but what you are saying does not help in the very least. That is, unless you like to embarass and frustrate people.
Right now, the idea of being healthy is kind of rediculous. It is not that I don't want to be healthy again. I do want to be, but motivational sayings like "If at first you don't succeed; try, try again." are more likely to be comical than inspiring. From the depressed view, the easiest way to overcome failure is to not bother trying in the first place.
There have been some days where I have slept for 16-20 hours; I wake up, then go back to sleep because I have no reason to be awake. On these days, I get some of the worst monster hang-over type headaches.
I think today is one of my very few "good" days lately. Otherwise, I wouldn't have written this. I don't have the urge to sleep, and my mind isn't as weighed down and dulled as usual.
I do have an appointment to get on medication again. It did help a lot when I was on it. Unfortunately, at that time I couldn't afford to keep getting it. I'm not excited about the idea of medication again. But it is necessary for the time being. As I maybe edge closer to normal-ness again, maybe I won't need it. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| It's easy to kick a man while he's down. But, if you do kick him, you better hope he doesn't get back up.
So far, it has been almost 2 months since that scheister (sp?) hasn't paid me. I've even gotten to the point of speaking on the phone to the company that pays him for my work. He was trying to make me feel bad about putting pressure on him to pay up. Did I feel bad? No, and for a good reason; Right before leaving for that DC job, he bought a used van, paid in full with cash out of his business account. How do I know this? Because I WAS THERE. Don't have the money to pay up? My ass...
Today, I got an email saying that they were going to send me a check. Something makes me think that it won't be in full...
The last time they sent me a check in the mail... it "got lost" in the mail. So, I told them to pay me by paypal or by money order. Other than that, I don't think their checks are worth the paper they are printed on. The next couple of days will tell.
I don't want to get my hopes up.
And speaking of lost hope....
Danielle's mother made it clear that when I come see Danielle and Tobias, it can only be during the day time. I am no longer welcome overnight.
This effectively isolates our family unit. The end product: I am only allowed to see my wife an son for a few hours a week, since they live far away.
Danielle has been crying for a good part of the day, and there is nothing I can do to comfort her. She doesn't know how much longer she can take us being apart. At this point, I just wish I had a phone so I could just call her.
The obvious goal is to get us to divorce. Her mother has been trying at it since we got married, and my own mother has been trying at it, too. Despite their efforts, we are still very much in love.
But, even the battle-hardened become weary.
If there is actually a "God" out there, I'd really appreciate having somebody/something swoop in and save the day.
Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with reality. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Deftones - Change | | Time: | 12:10 am |
|
| I got to spend the last couple of days with my wife and son. Today (Thursday) was Danielle's birthday. It was pretty nice to spend time to reconnect with them.
I was finally able to pick up a package mailed to me by dr3w of Anorkia. I'll be putting on my listening ears this weekend.
Update on getting paid: I'm now rounding week 3 on not getting paid for some out of state work. Unfortunately, the other party know just what kind of pickle they left me in. I'm still playing nicey-nice with them in hopes that it will help me get paid a little sooner. As soon as their account with me is settled, the gauntlets come off. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Hey all, I need your help!
I've been thinking of making myself a shiny new foil hat.
My question: Which side of the foil deflects the alien mind control waves? The shiny or dull side.
This is important. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Time for some better-type news on the work front.
Besides that little 2 million dollar setback with one warranty company, I have another two who have finally answered my emails and are interested in having me do warranty work for them. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Net access again! Yay!
Jared, whom some of you know, was kind enough to take me in.
Josh helped me with the logistics of getting "ready" for work last week. I finally got some laundry done. What I had been re-wearing was getting a little on the smelly side...that wouldn't have went over well at work.
Work went well, though I had terribly bloodshot eyes for some reason. They actually looked like they were full of blood! Maybe I'm becoming a vampire.
After driving to Greenville for work, my car did a little sumthin' that scared the living hell out of me. The rear brake shoe on the driver's side fell off, locking up the tire. Luckily I was only going 45 through town, rather than 70mph down 131... I managed to limp the car back to my grandparents' home about 15 miles away. I was taken to an auto parts store, got new brake shoes, and was given about $20 for pocket money. Brake shoes were replaced, and the car runs fine again.
I got to see Danielle and Tobias for two nights this weekend, thanks to that $20.
When I arrived at Danielle's parents', I opened the door, Tobias dropped his toys, ran over to me, and put his head down on my shoulder when I picked him up. This was the first time in years that I have cried.
The visit was good, though. I got tons of sleep, got to spend some quality time with my wife and son, and finally got over a nasty cold.
I have been working on getting some warranty companies to farm some work out to me... so far, luck has been pretty bad. The major one that I want to deal with... get this... Wants me to buy a 2 million dollar business liability insurance, and wants me to co-insure THEM on the policy. Sound a little fly-by-night?? Well, they aren't... this is one of the major warranty companies that the likes of Best Buy, Circuit City, CompUSA and such have warranty contracts through.
For one thing, I don't have enough money to keep my gas tank full, let alone have the money for a 2 million dollar insurance policy. For another, why should somebody else get a free insurance policy riding on my back? I can honestly understand a $500K policy for handling hard drives, CD ROMs, and mother boards, as the largest extent of damage I can do is maybe $1000 worth.
Yeah... I won't be dealing with them.
I'll see what else I can find tomorrow.
Anyways, enough writing for now. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Here is my contribution to LJ angst and drama...
I'm finishing up this week in Washington DC. After that, it'll be a weekend of a little sight seeing and lots of drinking. One would think that it would turn out to be a fairly simple week.
I wish it would have been.
Not even 2 days after I left MI for this DC job, my mother turned psychopathically abusive against Danielle and Tobias. I should point out, this was not a sudden happening, but her focus was directed elsewhere. I'll spare the slimy details, but the fuse that set my mother off left her being totally wrong, and was ultimately seeking to make sure Danielle was forced to be submissive and humiliated.
I, being oblivious to that night's happenings, neglected to call my wife until the following day at noon. Picking up the phone, Danielle started sobbing as soon as she heard my voice.
Turns out that Danielle and Tobias spent a night in terror with the way my mother was acting erratic and violent. After getting off the phone with me, they had to be evacuated from the house with the help of the police. Danielle was able to get out with a few garbage bags full of personal belongings, and per my request, my portable hard drive with all of my music on it. Luckily, I had left a few dollars with Danielle, and she was able to ride a train to her parents'. A friend of Danielle's was able to provide some logistical and emotional support in my absence, thank goodness.
So...once again, we are back into the great wide open. Once again, as soon as we make our plans for getting back on our feet, our hopes are dashed.
We are still trying to make sense of what has happened.
Not sure about what is going to happen today.
Not sure about what will happen tomorrow.
For now, my new "home" is this hotel room here in DC. Danielle and Tobias' new "home" will be with her parents.
I pray to God that they have another long-distance assignment lined up after this DC job, because I have nowhere to go after this.
Currently, because of what I'm doing for work, we may be forced to move to Ohio. How smoothly this move goes or when/if it happens depends largely on how much I can pressure my work vendors to pay quickly.
Surprisingly, despite some of my grieving, my mood has been much more of determination than it has been of depression and desperation.
In the mean time, I'm going to work my hardest and do what I need to do so I can be reunited with my wife and son, and provide some security and stability again.
Well, enough writing for now... I've gotta work again today. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I just got project #1 done in Washington DC, now on to project #2.
And yes, Washington DC really does blow goats. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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